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He stared at me, "Ah you look so sweet." He stared at me like I was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his entire life. It was a threadline to giving in, threadline to having a man who is willing to hold my hand, willing to take good care of me. I had to push myself back just so we can't get any closer together. I had to exert all efforts to divert the attention from that rather awkward, I can't find it romantic, moment.
 
The rigid reactions my body gave as gestures to his attempts of holding and hugging clearly told him and myself that I just can't. As we parted, he called the night away,"Ah, it's time for me to wake up."

It would be the lamest excuse, if not a lie, if I tell him or myself that I am not ready for relationships. Because I am. I'm just certain of what I want. And that isn't just him.